The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
