we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
