dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
