im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
