when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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