I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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