I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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