So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
