Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
