Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
