the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
