so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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