Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
