your room smells of hookers.
And success
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
