Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
