2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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