'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
