Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
