well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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