If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
