Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
