I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The air taste purple.
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