I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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