The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How's work?
Spinning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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