Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
