She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I believe in your delicious
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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