I'm going to jail i love you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
