Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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