it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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