Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
