I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
