I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
