come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
