So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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