i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also, beer. Big fan.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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