glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
