i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
