the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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