do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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