Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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