Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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