let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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