This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
