I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
