Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
