I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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