he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
