Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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