using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
