I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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