Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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