SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You took a bar mat shot.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
why is half of my head shaved?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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