Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
