I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
