Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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