Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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