Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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