So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
