Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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