Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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