i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Houston, we have a squirter
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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