I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
