We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
