ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
