party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
