she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
