Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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