I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
