He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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