Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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