i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
