If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
