by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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