Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
