I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
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this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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