so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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