I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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