I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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