i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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