he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
