I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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