i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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