the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He passed out mid-signature
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
