Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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